Amazon Now Selling Kidneys To Compete With Black Market

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SEATTLE,WA—In an effort to put its flag in yet another thriving industry, Amazon announced Tuesday it would start selling kidneys among other illegal goods and services to compete with the black market.

“For just $150,000, Amazon Black™ customers can purchase a kidney extracted from our surplus of involuntary donors,” Amazon spokesman Frederic Sims said, adding that for a limited-time customers can buy one and get one free.

Related: Jeff Bezos Reprimands Daughter For Spending Too Little

“Simply select ‘Black’ from the dropdown menu and start browsing our catalog of the finest Colombian imported angel dust and white, hot crunch on the deep web,” Sims went on, noting that Amazon Prime members can be chicken-flipping in just a few hours with same-day delivery.

“Whether you’re searching for crude oil, a forged passport, or the exotic Amur Leopard—exclusive only to the Heilong region of northeast China—we have you covered. Customers can also modify delivery options with an alternate meeting point on the sixth floor of a deserted Nordstrom parking garage.”

Related: Jeff Bezos Launches Competition To Build New Marriage In Major American City

Among the changes Amazon Black brings, Prime Video subscribers will now be able to tune in and watch any webcam in the world. In addition, Alexa products will be relocated to Black’s new ‘Spyware’ section.

Following its opening day, Wall Street sources reported Black Market shares had plummeted.

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