MEDINA, WASHINGTON—In an attempt to figure out the meaning behind her responsible spending habits, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly chastised his daughter Monday for not spending an exorbitant amount of money.
“$45 at Nordstrom? $11 at Chipotle? Let’s get one thing straight. When your personal driver drops you at the mall, I expect you to be reckless and impulsive with my endless stream of cash,” Bezos said, harshly reminding his daughter of her $50,000 weekly allowance.
“Money doesn’t grow on trees, okay? It sits in my bank account and multiplies exponentially,” Bezos went on, growing increasingly frustrated after learning his daughter purchased a pair of Converse on sale to “save money.”
“15% off? Jesus Christ. I don’t sit around all day and passively accumulate an unfathomable stockpile of capital so you can be the poster child for the Salvation Army. Show some respect and buy a fleet of yachts like the goddamn unhinged billionaire I raised you to be,” Bezos said, adding that it wouldn’t hurt if every once in a while she tried purchasing the rights to the Star Wars franchise or putting Somalia on her debit card.
Bezos reportedly grounded his daughter by sending her to her private island off the coast of Belize where she will think long and hard about properly abusing her privilege.