THE ALPHABET – Ending weeks of silence and drama, the letter ‘Y’ said on his PBS special this Tuesday that he would be leaving the vowels after 15 millennia of little to no recognition.
“This fall—man, this is tough—this fall, I have decided to take my talents to the consonants,” ‘Y’ said.
‘Y’ was a star vowel who often came in clutch for words like ‘androgyny’ and ‘yesterday’.
However, after years of wear and tear by the household phrase, ‘a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y’, the negative public perception has taken a mental toll on the letter.
“You know, I played a huge role in suffixes, intensifiers, and even some subject-verb agreements,” ‘Y’ said. “To accomplish what I have in my career and still be known as ‘sometimes Y’ makes me feel almost as useless as ‘Z’.”
Fortunately, there are no hard feelings on either side of the alphabet. “I really wish them the best. It’s inevitable we’ll work together again in the future, but I do believe this move is for the betterment of the English written language.”
‘A’ said, “He truly was a remarkable vowel. His ability to turn some nouns into adjectives is something that only comes once in a lettertime.”
‘L’ tweeted right after the announcement, “So stoked to see ‘Y’ joining the squad. Can’t wait to form some adverbs!”
The consonants have reportedly offered ‘Y’ a 30-millenia, $250 million deal with the choice to opt-out in the year 25500.
In the meantime, ‘I’ is expected to see more playtime as ‘Y’ takes time off to get affairs in order.