Tag: White house

Warner Bros. Releases Teaser Trailer For ‘Mueller Report’ Film Adaptation

Christian Lupica

POSTER

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s investigation into the Trump administration nears a close, Warner Bros. has released a 60 second teaser trailer for its live-action remake based on the report.

In Christian Bale’s most transformative role yet, critics are praising his spitting image portrayal of Donald Trump to which Bale credits his strict diet of Double Quarter Pounders and Oreo McFlurries.

“You’ve got to give everything to every role you do,” said the actor who practiced method acting on set, often taking prolonged “executive time” in his trailer and fondling background actresses between scenes.

The star-studded cast features Sandra Bullock as Melania Trump, Liam Neeson as Robert Mueller, Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter as Steve Bannon, a Nordstrom’s mannequin as Mike Pence, and Sandra Oh as Jared Kushner.

With a narrative focusing mainly on events leading up to and during the Trump presidency, the trailer shows a masterfully re-imagined flashback to the Vietnam draft when Trump first discovered his passion for lying.

Early viewers say Mueller’s “genius script” will surely take home an Oscar for the way it challenges classic two-term structure.

The first installment of the Mueller Report trilogy, Episode 1: The Orange Menace, is due early next fall.

White House Landlord Posts Eviction Notice

Christian Lupica

WASHINGTON D.C. – An elderly man was given an eviction notice this Monday after violating nearly every agreement in the housing contract since moving in January 2017.

Landlord Rudy Mayer stated he initially had no concern because the tenant claimed to be “very, very rich” and have “millions and billions of dollars.”

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But after missing several rent payments, Mayer said, “every month he invents some lie about his money in China or some woman named Hillary. I think he’s off his meds.”

After an inspection, Mayer said he found even more areas for concern. “His wife had left him, ruffled toupés were strewn about, his sons had drawn all over the walls in crayon, and every TV was on Fox News.”

Mayer later heard that he would have racially charged disputes with neighbors whenever they spoke fondly of the previous tenant.

Several complaints were filed by the Martinez’s, the Chan’s, and the Veerabahu’s. The only family who claimed to have no issue were the White’s.

Neighbor Jamal Howard said when he went to introduce himself, all he saw was the door creak open and a voice whisper, “is that you, Kanye?”

The tenant was reportedly last seen outside the residence in his underwear and a stained, white T-shirt yelling at traffic.

Related: Trump To Focus State Of The Union Speech On Middle School Level Language Arts