USC Claims Celebrity Children Are Part Of Diversity Initiative

LOS ANGELES—In the wake of a college bribery scandal, the University of Southern California defended the representation of its students with celebrity parents as part of a goal to promote diversity on campus.

“At USC, we strive to maintain a diverse student body,” spokesman Frederic Sims said. “While we are proud to attract the sharpest minds and finest athletes, it is also imperative we provide opportunities to the minority of snobby, rich celebrity children.”

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In recent years, data shows USC has made an honest effort to represent more students of wealthy, famous backgrounds, but the number of college students across the country with familial ties to an A-list celebrity remains staggeringly low.

“When you look at campuses across the country, 99% of students you see are commonplace nobodies,” Sims went on. “Which is why we pride ourselves in representing the 1%.”

Sims ended by challenging any self-proclaimed inclusive university to acknowledge how some students are born with systemic challenges that prevent them from devoting time to academics. “Just imagine how difficult it is to work hard when you don’t have to,” Sims concluded.

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