HIDDEN HILLS, CA—Makeup mogul Kylie Jenner made history this week by becoming the youngest billionaire in history despite coming from a mediocre millionaire heritage.
“It was hard growing up,” Jenner said. “I didn’t always get the Rolex or velour handbag I wanted, but my parents made sure I had the bare necessities: an Amex Black Card and personal driver.”
Jenner described the cramped, barely hospitable 15,000 square foot mansion with 2 pools and 4 butlers she grew up in as motivation to beat the odds and escape the slums of the 35% tax bracket.
“I was just a girl with a dream and a multi-million dollar trust fund,” Jenner recalled. “If I ever wanted to be successful, I knew I had to buckle down and work hard every other day.”
Jenner went on to explain how her unpleasant childhood memories of a meager $3000 allowance continue to drive her through a grueling 2-hour workweek.
“Whenever I think about giving up, I just think back to those dark days of flying First Class commercial,” Jenner said. “It always makes me calm down, remember where I came from, and have my assistant take care of it.”
Fortunately, the money hasn’t gone to her head. Jenner will be starting a charity this summer that will help fight the ongoing single car garage epidemic.