Real Housewives Creator Reveals Series Was Adapted From Shakespeare’s ‘Earnest Wenches Of Northshire’

earnestwenchespic

EUROPE—Revealing that he was inspired by one of Shakespeare’s lesser-known written works, Real Housewives creator Scott Dunlop told reporters Wednesday his popular series was adapted from a 1500’s play titled “The Earnest Wenches Of Northshire.”

“At its inception, we were trying to depict the character chemistry viewers see today on Bravo as the great Shakespeare so vividly captured with his ensemble of catty handmaidens who lived on the elitist hillside of an Albanian monarchy,” said Dunlop, explaining the wenches waiting for their proprietors to return home from a day’s work at the King’s behest that provided ample time for backstabbing and loads of juicy gossip later inspired his first series set in Orange County.

“Gretchen in particular was influenced by a character named Gertrude, a churlish dame known across the city-state for her unmannered provocations,” Dunlop went on, detailing how his hit series took cues from the original. “For example, the infamous season 11 episode 17 catfight when Kelly Dodd just exploded on Heather and Shannon originally came from Kylia’s Act II monologue tearing asunder Calpurnia for spilling hogshead on her new frock.”

“Aside from love and death, Shakespeare also reveled in depicting key themes like spilling the tea and throwing shade. In fact, excerpts from his diary indicate that Shakespeare himself was a bit of a drama queen and loved to stir the pot.”

Added Dunlop: “Of course, who could forget the iconic line at the climax of Northshire when Rosalind scorns Octavia’s courtship with Sir Benvolio: Doth thou protest me wench? Let us exhort this raucous to the rosegarden!”

Read More: Bran Orders Executive Decree To Build Wheelchair Accessible Ramps In All Seven Kingdoms

Read More: Troubling WikiLeaks Photo Reveals Bernie Sanders Once Accepted Campaign Contribution From Wells Fargo Wagon

18 Years Later: MTV Remembers Mariah Carey’s ‘Glitter’ Album Debut

woman_mariah_carey_singer

NEW YORK—Marking the 18th anniversary of the event that occurred on 9/11, the Music Television Channel took a moment on air Wednesday to reflect on the horrific day Mariah Carey’s “Glitter” album hit shelves.

“Let us take pause to acknowledge the millions of Americans whose lives were changed forever by the sickening, at times appalling ballads heard in ‘Lead The Way,’” MTV Networks CEO Frederic Sims said.

Related: ‘Bandersnatch’ Creators To Partner With Pornhub In Next Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Film

“A historical moment that changed how we think about pop and hip hop, Carey’s off-key blend of New York Latin disco and hair-salon soul will forever be remembered for its deadly attack on the nation’s speaker systems,” Sims went on. “Fortunately, ‘Glitter’ ultimately brought Americans together in its sheer atrocity. We became stronger, more united, and cognizant that our ears could be the victims of a subpar remix of ‘Last Night A DJ Saved My Life’ at any time.”

As a nation, Sims stated we must never forget the day we stood in disbelief as Carey tried to hit and hold the High C.

Related: ‘Tasty’ To Expand To Homemade, Instructional Surgery Videos By 2020

Jeff Bezos Launches Competition To Build New Marriage In Major American City

jeff_bezos_at_amazon_spheres_grand_opening_in_seattle_-_2018_(39074799225)_(cropped)

SEATTLE, WA – Following a divorce with his wife of 25 years, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos will launch an exhaustive search for eligible new wife candidates from all over North America.

Bezos plans to invest more than $66 billion in “a real connection” with his new partner, which he says will be “way hotter than that bitch MacKenzie.”

Related: Twitter Revamps Policy On Accepted Forms Of Hate Speech

To find the perfect match, Bezos is inviting women from all over the country to submit a proposal based document listed on Amazon’s website.

In the document, Bezos is asking for 5 headshots, a cat or dog preference, and a short blurb about what they like to do for fun.

To begin a lifetime of happiness as soon as possible, Bezos wants a timetable of “Phase 1”, outlining when the first “spark” in the relationship is expected.

Bezos clearly stated that consent to a prenuptial agreement would be the greatest determining factor.

An inside source reports that Bezos currently has his eyes set on two candidates from New York and Northern Virginia.

Related: Kylie Jenner Rises From Destitute Millionaire Family To Become Billionaire