Warner Bros. Releases Teaser Trailer For ‘Mueller Report’ Film Adaptation

POSTER

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s investigation into the Trump administration nears a close, Warner Bros. has released a 60 second teaser trailer for its live-action remake based on the report.

In Christian Bale’s most transformative role yet, critics are praising his spitting image portrayal of Donald Trump to which Bale credits his strict diet of Double Quarter Pounders and Oreo McFlurries.

“You’ve got to give everything to every role you do,” said the actor who practiced method acting on set, often taking prolonged “executive time” in his trailer and fondling background actresses between scenes.

The star-studded cast features Sandra Bullock as Melania Trump, Liam Neeson as Robert Mueller, Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter as Steve Bannon, a Nordstrom’s mannequin as Mike Pence, and Sandra Oh as Jared Kushner.

With a narrative focusing mainly on events leading up to and during the Trump presidency, the trailer shows a masterfully re-imagined flashback to the Vietnam draft when Trump first discovered his passion for lying.

Early viewers say Mueller’s “genius script” will surely take home an Oscar for the way it challenges classic two-term structure.

The first installment of the Mueller Report trilogy, Episode 1: The Orange Menace, is due early next fall.

Advertisements

Twitter Revamps Policy On Accepted Forms Of Hate Speech

Screen Shot 2019-02-21 at 10.48.36 AM

SAN FRANCISCO – In response to a number of complaints from bigots across its platform, Twitter has decided to change its policy on approved forms of discrimination.

Frederic Sims, a concerned white supremacist from Orange County, felt his first amendment rights were being violated by not being able to freely use derogatory terms without penalty. “How else am I supposed to respond when I encounter an opinion different from my own?” he asked.

“After hearing each and every complaint, we have decided to restructure our policy to allow a more welcoming environment for all chauvinists, anti-Semites, white supremacists, and Red Sox fans to freely express their narrow-minded beliefs,” CEO Jack Dorsey said on Tuesday.

The announcement was met with praise from bigots across Twitter, who momentarily crashed the website with a cavalcade of hate-filled tweets targeting former President Barack Obama.

Dorsey went on to say he is confident this is the right step backward in creating an open, hostile dialogue between all genders, races, and religions.

President Donald Trump said he plans to take full advantage of this “very, very good news” during his executive time Friday afternoon.