Troubling WikiLeaks Photo Reveals Bernie Sanders Once Accepted Campaign Contribution From Wells Fargo Wagon

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Image Attribution: Library Of Congress

VERMONT – Coming just days before announcing his 2020 presidential campaign, the whistle blowing platform WikiLeaks revealed a troubling photo of Bernie Sanders accepting money from a Wells Fargo Wagon in the year 1914.

The photo comes as a shock to Sanders supporters based on his lifelong condemnation of big banks unfairly influencing elections.

Supporters of Sanders spoke out, asking, “how can we trust someone who publicly opposes big money, but still accepts twenty whole dollars behind our back?”

Sanders released a statement on his website, defusing the tension: “That photo comes from a time when I was a young, impressionable 45 year old. I am not the same person I was 105 years ago.”

Frederic Sims, a history professor at the University of Redlands, researched the transaction, stating the funds Sanders accepted were used for direct mail advertising, allowing him to deploy three times as many carrier pigeons as his opponent.

The Trump administration immediately seized on the revelation, with one Trump aide alleging that Sander’s shady relationship with banks suggests he might have made dealings with oil industry magnate J.D. Rockefeller as well.

Sources close to Sanders report he is on edge, hoping WikiLeaks does not find a controversial hieroglyphic of him accepting a free grain endorsement in 511 B.C.

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‘Tasty’ To Expand To Homemade, Instructional Surgery Videos By 2020

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NEW YORK – In a lateral move to an up-and-coming industry, the food recipe video giant ‘Tasty’ recently announced plans to create homemade, instructional surgery videos.

“We want to bring you the quickest surgery videos possible,” said Tasty C.E.O. Liane Weintraub. “Whether it be a routine cast removal or a triple bypass heart surgery, our goal is to bring the average Joe simple, homemade surgery tutorials in 60 seconds or less.”

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Instead of presenting the steps to bake a mouthwatering soy braised brisket, Weintraub aims to use the same trademark, overhead shooting style to educate viewers in locating a vein to administer some homebrewed anesthesia.

“Our food recipe videos were a hit because they gave an inexpensive alternative to eating out. We believe Tasty Surgery will go viral for the same reason. Why waste thousands of dollars at a hospital when you can just as easily perform that colonoscopy on the comfort of your own dinner table?”

Tasty reportedly has plans to expand to gun assembly and forensic analysis videos by 2021.

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