ENGLAND – Finally succumbing to fan requests, the online education platform, MasterClass, will feature Gordon Ramsay as an instructor teaching a class on the artistry of verbal assault.
“Before I was on TV, I mastered my craft,” Ramsay said in a preview video. “I spent years learning the proper way to tell someone to fuck off, the intricacies of preparing a public shaming, and, of course, the craftsmanship of talking someone into suicide.”
The lesson plan will consist of an introduction to basic insults, a history of Gordon’s journey learning from insult masters, and, finally, concluding with a 1-on-1 FaceTime final exam with the master himself.
“Concocting the perfect insult is an art in itself,” Ramsay went on. “For the first time ever, you will learn how to impeccably prepare the ingredients for a seething insult from start to finish.”
“I will teach you some of my favorite insults, like: your face gives Hiroshima survivors flashbacks, and, I bet your aunt and uncle are also your mother and father.”
Frederic Sims, an aspiring asshole who was given early-access, gave the class three Michelin stars, saying, “I can already feel the difference when insulting my family members and co-workers. In just four weeks, I went from being an amateur shithead to a genuine psychopath. I feel amazing.”