San Diego, CA – Staring at the ceiling as she laid in bed recalling her drunken actions from the previous night, local woman Sarah Burke reportedly scolded herself for the embarrassing new years resolutions she made.
“Jesus Christ, I wish someone would’ve cut me off before I agreed to join that new crossfit gym with fucking Cassidy. I feel like such an idiot,” Burke said.
Adding that the night was a blur of declarations to read more, focus on self-care, and make new friends, Burke said she felt nauseous when she recalled wanting to make a Kickstarter for her vintage lampshade crafting business.
“I can’t believe I told Lauren I was down to start a craft beer blog. I think I’m gonna’ be sick,” Burke said as she crawled out of bed towards the bathroom.
Burke also stated she felt a shiver travel down her spine when she remembered getting convinced to adopt a vegan lifestyle after talking with Tanner from work about Cowspiracy.
“That’s it. I’m never drinking again. Not if it means promising myself to be more environmentally conscious by carrying around a reusable mug and aluminum straw everywhere I go.”
As she reassured herself that everyone was drunk and nobody would remember, Burke reportedly got a text from Maddie stating how excited she was to start their pottery class next Thursday.